So, this year has been insanity on the schedule front with work. I am torn in my feelings because at one point I am glad that I am busy and traveling around for work but then the other side of me just wants some time at home. I just want a stay-cation for home to curl up on the couch with a comfie blanket, watch movies and relax at home. Another part of me is trying to find the ability to get some funds together and free time so that I can take a trip and visit family. I miss my family and they are so far away that it is hard to meetup with them on a regular basis. But, I am trying to stay positive. I keep telling myself that if I bleed out now for my job and my career, then I can relax later. That I just got a late start into this path and that is why it is taking so long.

I’m not focusing on the matters like .. the hours I work in a week, especially when we have an event. What I am turning this year for my age and my bank account. I am starting my life in an essence where I should have started at 23/24. So, I am about 5-6 years late in the game. It will take awhile for things to smooth out and go OK. I know that the economy current state as well doesn’t help the matters of my goals or anyone elses. I really do wish that our government would get their stuff in order. I look around at everything that is going on in our country and can only shake my head. The waves that are actually worth something just seem to keep getting crashed into a wall.

Can’t we just clone the good people of the world? Bring back some of the big players that have made a difference in our country and have them show the way again to those in charge?

Heck … maybe if I could get myself cloned then I could get somewhere in my path.

So far for the year of 2012 I have been on the road every single month, if not multiple times a month for work. It is crazy but fun at the same time. The best times are when the event that you are at goes smooth and you are around great people that you can enjoy their company. Looking at the calendar it doesn’t look like I am slowing down any time soon …

At this time of the year, things get interesting everywhere you look. At the same point in time, things have changed so much. I remember being a child and when Christmas came around it was a wonderful time. You looked forward to holiday candy that you only got 1 time a year, like different kinds of homemade fudge or chocolate dipped coconut balls. You watched the tree for presents and tried to guess a head of time what they were based on the packing. Some of us would sneak down at night and find ways to open the package early and patch it back without our parents knowing, I was one of them.

Now, in my home we didn’t have a big push on the religious pull on Christmas. In fact, my parents were mixed on the religious part. My dad is Jewish and my mom is Methodist. Although, we always celebrated Christmas and never Hanukhah. We had certain traditions that my family stuck to like making the holiday candy and giving it out as gifts to family friends, teachers, etc. We would drive around on Christmas eve and look at Christmas lights in various neighborhoods. On Christmas day we would have the holiday feast and biscuts -n- gravy in the morning. My mom would make holiday punch and after we had brunch we would open gifts. I was always the ‘holiday elf’ and would pass out the gifts from under the tree to everyone. Later on, I would go out and meet up with my friends to share in the joys of going over the gifts that we got for Christmas.

In almost every holiday movie there is always an underlaying theme that basically, during the holiday season you should both give back and not concentrate on the gifts. You should appreciate the season and give to those less fortunate than yourself. You should appreciate the family and friends and connections that you have in this life and love every minute of it. Yet, I wonder with all the jokes from Christmas becoming Giftmas, is there some truth in the phrase?  Do we or have we changed Christmas from this to Giftmas from the very begining with our children?  Do we create this with them with the push of things like Santa bringing gifts to the good little girls and boys of the world; and trying to get them almost everything that they ask for Christmas that is within our power to give them?

Have we truly lost some of the meaning behind the season? And I am not just referring to Christmas, but all the different celebrations at this time like Festivus, Yule Tide, Winter Solstice, Hanukkah, etc.

OK, so Zombies don’t really sneak up on you too well most of the time. But still, it seems like this year has gone by in a flash. Does anyone else feel like that? I mean in 13 days it will be Christmas. ACK! I just got my decorating done last week. Yeah, I was late on the ball there because I have been traveling and swamped with projects. Here I am traveling for work, trying to prepare for all of these events that we have coming up after the new year and I’m always trying to develop a product. :-/  Will was nice enough to decorate the outside of the house for the season, but I had to do the inside myself. So, it finally got done on Thursday.

At the same time I am trying to budget my money to get the gifts for everyone that I need to buy for. I have spoiled Will by giving him 4 of his presents early, because he found out. So, he got a little voodoo guy key chain (which looks like Frankenstein), the new Chuck Palahniuk book ‘Damned’, a set of noise cancelling earbuds and some transformer cuff links. I still have some other gifts on their way, which hopefully will be here before Christmas. I gotta get some items for other people as well. I had great plans for some of my friends then apparently other people found out or tuned into my mind and bought the items I saw from the stores.   I hate it when I come up with awesome ideas and don’t have the money to buy it in time. I still need to figure out some kinds of awesome for the family as well. (Which are sometimes the hardest to shop for.)

So, this weekend I went down to the Orlando area for my very first taste of a JV conference. This one was hosted by a group called, the Affiliate Mastermind Group. Their whole purpose is to connect speakers, authors, promoters, vendors and affiliate coordinators together to build new relationships and fill events. It was interesting to be there, because this was the first one I have been to. I had a mini taste of what one was like when Zack did his launch event. From that event I got to see the faces of some top people in the industry but they really didn’t meet me. (I don’t think I made a lasting impression as I was just introduced as Zack’s assistant.) However, this time I was fluttering around everywhere I could. Meeting people, introducing myself and getting business cards, etc. Trying to get to know people and allowing them to get to know me, share ideas for them to move their businesses forward and making connections for our company.

The event was 3 days full of solid presenters, great panel discussions and little networking activities smudged in as well. I didn’t get a chance to meet everyone in the room, but I think I got close. I even managed to get some stage time by being the presenter for the groups I worked with on the networking activities, speaking for Zack as a sponsor of the event (because he was gone to sell at another event) and being on a panel for coordinators. Then, I got a few surprises mixed in during the event. I got to hang out with some great people .. had a lot of people coming up to me and complimenting me on my work and telling me that others were saying great things about me. Then, the bomb that blew my mind … on the last day they gave out awards and I got presented with an award for 2011 Coordinator of the Year!  I was blown away and so happy to get it. I didn’t even know that they were giving out awards.

Then, on my flights back home to Alabama .. the glory continued. I sat next to a very interesting man on my flight from Orlando to Atlanta, who was a Marine. He actually told me that he goes to all kinds of conferences and speaks to tell his story and wants to write a book, build a non-profit to help military when they come back from war and more. I ended up giving him my card and told him to reach out to me and I will help him to get connected to some people that I can help him. Considering that at the event I got to meet people like Robert Allen, David Fagan, Paul Bauer and more. I got his bio story today that I am going to read through and see if I can help him to get some sponsorship or a mentor to help him reach his goal, because that is what he needs. He has a fantastic idea and no clue how to connect the pieces and make it happen.

While in the ATL airport I picked up a book that I have been meaning to get … the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. It seems like this book has been brought up to me almost 10 times or more in my lifetime and yet I have never read it.

It is so interesting to go to an event for a few days; meet all kinds of great people, learn amazing things and then leave with this whole new fire of determination and ideas of things that you can do. I have an idea for a product that I might develop. I have a new drive to succeed .. in life. Not in business, not make a bunch of money … but in life, be happy and succeed in everything I touch. It is like I had a reset button pushed and found this drive that I haven’t had since high school.  And everyone I meet, I am trying to find the potential in them and what their message is … like my wonderful airplane mate, Christopher O’Connor.

New road … new goals… new drive and speed …..  Let’s see what kind of scenery we will catch along the way.

MOVING COMPLETE! We got moved into the new house with some major help from friends in the area.  I am so thankful to have friends that were willing to come out and lend a helping hand in getting us moved because with Will out of town for work, I honestly had no idea how I was going to get it done. We all managed to get it done in just under 6 hours.   We only managed to loose 1 small bookcase and 1 small cabinet that held our games.

Everything is in the new place, but now I have to get it out of the boxes and bins that it is packed up in. :-/ I don’t think anything else that was packed up got damaged. I already unpacked the glass stuff from the kitchen and those seem to make it through just fine. The challenge that I face is the deadline to be unpacked before the housewarming party. I set a goal for us to be unpacked for motivation. Normally a 2 week window isn’t a bad thing, however when you are traveling for an event for work for 1 of those weekends … then it is a challenge.

Kitty seems to be adjusting just fine. I think he will be better once all the boxes disappear. Right now at night he roams around the house meowing randomly and I think he is still on edge because things are packed up and he is worried he may go back into the carrier again. I could be wrong on this and perhaps he is trying to find out what he sounds like in different parts of the house. I know that he has had slightly too much catnip and random bugs in his lifetime to date. So, anything is possible.

Slowly things are moving up and looking better. We managed to land a pretty decent house for rent in North Huntsville, this equals some mixed feelings honestly. I am glad to get out of an apartment and into a house finally. This will mean that we can host more fun things with our friends and entertain like we love to do!  Bad parts … we don’t have some items needed for the house like a lawnmower, garden hose, etc. So, there are some items that we will need to purchase for the new place down the line. Also, the only open weekend that we have to move this month, Will has to work an event out of town. So, I am trying (very hard) to organize as many friends and hands that I possibly can to help with the move.  This also means that there is a good chance that I will have to spend the first night in the new place by myself.

Other benefits – we will be able to decorate more for the holidays and maybe we can start to really feel at home in the house. Also, no more running and screaming kids through the breezeway that we currently have at our apartment complex or people deciding to work on their bikes at 9 pm at night, etc. And who knows, maybe if we like the place and things work out well we might look into buying it. We will be closer to the main city as well, which can be good. That puts us closer to more stuff and more people.

In other news, I was able to go out and visit my family in OK earlier in the month which was great! I have missed my sister so much over the years. It was great to see her, all my nephews and even my mom. Those of you that know, you know that my mom and me haven’t had the smoothest past; but I think it is getting better. I really hope to make it back out there again within the next few months to see them all again.

Here is hoping that the bad is behind us and we are on the rise now to better things!

“Well, they say that bad things come in threes, so you should be good.”   – My Coworker      “Yeah, but I am on number 8.”

“You have two ways you can look at this all. You can think negative – what the hell kind of stuff did I do in a past life to deserve this much bad karma coming my way now. Or, you can view it in a positive way and think with this much bad shit, there has to be something amazing around the corner headed your way” – My sister

Well, I have been trying really hard to focus on the latter of what my sister told me but it is hard. Especially when for the past couple of weeks I am just continuing down this long spiral of horribleness. For those of you that know the details, you know the terribleness that I am referring to. For those of you that don’t … I am not going to lay everything out here. But needless to say, this hole is getting deeper and deeper and I just can’t seem to find the light anymore or any glimpse of hopefulness. Right now, there is no horizon, there is no brightness, there is no hope and there is definitely no lighter side to look at.

I have no control and can’t find the rope to get myself out of this hole. It feels like I am caught in a storm and keep getting hit in the face with that hard, cold and stinging rain. The type that feels like needles hitting you in the face. While at the same time the wind continues to whip around me faster and faster to the point that I feel like I can no longer stand on my own.

“We have been in worst positions than this before and made it out just fine. At least this time we have friends and family.”

Pretty to think so, but once again I can’t find the bright side. My friends are there for emotional support but that is all they can really offer. No one from my circle of friends or family is in any position to help me right now. I am stuck…

So, last month was my 10 year high school reunion. I wasn’t able to go to the celebration because I had to work an event for my job, which sucked. But, this milestone, so to speak got me thinking about how things have changed over this time. It has been 10 years since I graduated high school and what have I really done so far with my life? … not much. I look at some of my friends from school that I still stay in contact with, thanks to the wonders of the Internet. I see that many have gotten married, have kids, are working on their careers and working towards their goals that they have in life. Though for me, that doesn’t really work because I never had a clear goal that I ever really wanted to achieve. Most people discover themselves early and decide exactly what they want from life, but I am finding that I am still riding the waves. Don’t get me wrong, I know that there are certain things that I want from life but I’m not too sure on what that final finish line should look like or where it is just yet.

I also know that I have somehow over the years, lost part of who I used to be. I remember back in school I was a lot more carefree and I was a better person, I think. It was easier to let things roll off of my shoulders and not be as stressed. Then again, for arguments’ sake, when you are in school it is easier to be less stressed because you don’t have as much responsibility. You don’t stress about paying the bills or making your rent. You don’t worry about the possibility of what will happen with your job or anything like that. The biggest stress that you have is the upcoming test and how you are going to make the grade. But, that for me was easy.

I also realized too that I lost part of myself when I found myself connecting back with old friends I had in school. Talking with them and having the old me peek out through the conversation and giving advice or being insightful. Then I realized, she is still in there somewhere, but how did I loose touch with her? Or how did she get buried down so deep that she isn’t on the surface anymore?

Maybe it is just me feeling like I have changed over the years or maybe I am not alone. Perhaps everyone feels this way eventually in time and certain things are just bound to change us as individuals. Perhaps it doesn’t always have to be something as big as getting married or having kids, maybe it really is just time that changes people. Or maybe it is simply that when you go through life that there are always things that will inevitably change us.

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